Week 15 Weigh In/ Biggest Loser/ Lotus Flower Bomb

Week 15 Weigh In: Little Miracles

I lost 1.2 pounds in week 15, but was too busy to post an update.  This illustrates how my life is going right now, one big blur.  I sometimes forget to track my foods until late and I don't want to start that habit.  I really have to find a balance between work, school, gym, and a social life.  I hear excuses about not getting your health together all the time from family, friends, and co-workers.  I've made my own in the past.  But the reality of the matter is, if I don't continue to keep my health priority number one, it will end up being my priority number one by way of heart attack, stroke, or diabetes complications.  I refuse to die because of something I could have prevented. 

 27 pounds is the most I've ever lost, ever.  That is a miracle to me.  But, the real miracle is my desire to keep going.  I believe that is a gift from God, because so many people can't do it.  Not so long ago that person was me.  I truly could not see a way out of my despair.  I knew He could do it, but I didn't believe I could.  I literally asked God on New Year's Day to show me my power.  It shows every night I pack my gym bag and lunch for the next day.  It shows every time I lace up my sneakers and go to the gym on my lunch hour.  It shows every time I go to the gym in the evenings without having a partner.  It shows every time I track my foods even when I'm ashamed of what I just ate.  It shows every time I get up early on Saturday mornings to get to the gym when it opens. It shows every time I come back to the gym later that night to go to Boot Camp with my mom.

Power is not just physical strength.  The beauty is you don't have to wait till the end of the journey to see celebrate it.

Biggest Loser Contest: And The Winner Is...

Yes I am very proud of myself and the determination I had to succeed.  I wouldn't settle for less.  To be honest, my strategy was just to outlast everyone else in the contest.  I figured if their track record was anything like mine was, they would quit after a week or two.  All I needed to win was to start and keep going.  Keep going long enough to lose more than anyone could catch up to, even if they tried some crazy crash diet at the end. 

We all went to MacArthur Mall in Norfolk, VA and shopped last Saturday.  Although I was shopping for accessories, I had a ball and felt great in my spaghetti strapped sundress in which I DID NOT WEAR A SHRUG!!!  Let me just say that "No More Shrugs" has been my motto for the year.  I am so tired of wearing strapless dresses and having to wear shrugs to cover up my fat back!  If you asked me what size I want to be I would tell you the one that doesn't require a shrug! OMG, don't get me wrong, they are cute, but I hate them for what they represent for me, a fat back! 

This may be taking it too far, but I don't see why I can't dream!



Lotus Flower Bomb: My Brief Experience As An Exotic Dancer

In my quest to keep my journey exciting, I decided to try exotic dancing lessons at Studio X.  We had a private party where we could learn pole dancing, lap dance, and/or exotic dance.  We choose to split our time between lap and exotic since none of us has upper arm strength to fly around a pole (although this is a dream of mine). 

We got to pick our songs in advance and we really had a good time putting this routine together.  Then something crazy happened.   I don't know if it was because I had just had dinner before class or all those mirrors in the room, but I began to feel body conscious near the end.  This is when I started to compare myself to my friends.  I started questioning my weight loss progress because I sure as hell still looked fat in those mirrors.  I felt no matter how hard I shook my non-existent hips, I still didn't look sexy.  I didn't even want to take an individual picture because of the negative doubts in my head. 

I did not like the feeling, but I hated the attitude even more.  At NO point is it okay to not love myself.  It is okay not to love the weight.  It's just pounds that I chip away at every week until one day they will all be gone.  That is why they hold no real weight (pardon the pun).  They don't represent ME!  What I really should've felt was happy that I was able to drop it like it's hot and get back up without help! That I had the energy to get through a 90 min class!  That I actually had the courage to show up! 

It will be some time from now before I will look in the mirror and see an image I deem as sexy.  That is understandable given the way society has brainwashed me.  But...